Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why do cheetos always look like penises
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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