I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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