So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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