This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
