She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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