I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
