covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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