my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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