Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
