hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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