Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
