Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
whose parrot is this?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
