My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Two words: blizzard sex
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
