I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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