The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
