then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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