She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
