You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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