I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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