Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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