I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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