I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
