I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
