I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
