I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize