I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
