Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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