I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A+ Viking dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
