Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
