i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
