6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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