So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
