I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
