I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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