i just wanna soil my oats bro
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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