I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
