my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
