I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
