Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
