i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My vagina is officially offended.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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