Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
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I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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