I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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