You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We were destined to go to rehab together
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
