i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
