And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
