Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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