Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
