We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
