i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
