3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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