If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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