I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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