I accidentally burped into my bong.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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