I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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