did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need water and some morals
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