We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
