OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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