The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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