Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Success! We fucked roommates!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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