it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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